As the ‘Boomer’ generation transitions to some form of retirement, the younger age groups would be wise to take note. Decisions are being made about when to turn the ‘old’ corner. It’s not just age that dictates when to hop off the proverbial treadmill and go fishing. Often, it’s the choice to either stop or continue growing.

If you’re not listening, it’s not a dialogue. Truly active listening is hard to sustain. Unless your partner is compelling and aligned with your perspective, it’s easy to drift. Wherever you drift – judgement, critique, personal priorities, or simply planning what you are going to say next – the exchange has ceased to be a dialogue. You are trapped in your own head, and your partner is talking to the wind.

Imagine we could reverse the flow of time. Not through a science fiction portal where every action alters the future – but simply the advantage of learning from mistakes. It’s a common refrain when life doesn’t turn out the way you expect: “If I had only known then what I know now, I would have made different choices.” The truth is you only get to know what you knew then. Based on what you knew then, you would have made exactly the same decisions.

Underneath the many ways we define wellness – fitness, relationship, career, financial, etc. – is a foundation supported by the effectiveness with which we cope with the world. How we manage unexpected events, how we recover from setbacks, and how we navigate new challenges are among the countless measures of our health and wellness. Before we can evaluate the quality of our interpersonal relationships, the accomplishments of our teams, or the success of our careers, we have to establish a lifestyle shaped by effective coping skills. It is upon that platform that the other definitions of wellness are empowered.

Recently, I was stood up three times within 24 hours. Not surprisingly, I reacted differently to each one. After blow-off #1, I laughed and moved on with my day. Blow-off #2 triggered frustration, and I muttered some variation of “What the heck?!” Blow-off #3 altered the quality of my relationship with the partner because trust and respect were damaged. These differences were not due to the growing succession of frustrations that unfolded as the day wore on – they were fitting reactions to the distinct nature of each blow-off. Let’s walk through three scenarios (‘$#!T Happens,’ ‘Character Flaw,’ and ‘Rude’):

There’s no universal elixir for life’s challenges – because your life isn’t like anyone else’s. What shapes your growth isn’t just what happens to you, but how you manage these circumstances and engage with the environment around you. The goal is personal wellness as defined by an evolving mastery of your…

Personal traits sometimes fall out of their sweet spots and cease to be helpful qualities. Take, for example, the colleague who goes out of their way to show interest in others but reveals little about themselves. His conversations feel more like interviews than dialogues. Rather than being seen as gracious, he’s at risk of being experienced as closed-off or withholding. His inclination for generosity misses its sweet spot, and its intended effect falls flat. The examples are endless. Let’s review a few.

Her husband complains about not getting enough action in bed, yet offers little help with the kids or the housework. In the workplace, his employees are criticized for being under-engaged, yet he hasn’t taken the time to learn anything about their strengths and priorities. With friends, he only talks about himself, yet wonders why he wasn’t invited to be in the foursome at the charity golf outing. From his perspective, his wife, his coworkers, and his buddies are the problem. But they’re all trying to find a way to hold up a mirror so he can see what they see.

In this week of gratitude sharing, we are all at risk of diluting our ‘thank you’ expressions. It’s as though we’ve saved them up for the holiday and they come pouring out in large volume. When you say any word enough times, it begins to lose its meaning. Yet, we are deeply grateful for the gifts of human connection, the beauty of the universe, and simple good fortune. As you communicate your appreciation, make the most of your moment.

Whether at home, at the workplace, or out with friends, all of our connections live within a proximity to us that we choose. Those who are let into the inner circle are typically the most trusted and have the most extensive relationship history. Those most distant have either earned the need for arms-length or haven’t yet proven their welcome closer to the center. Over time, our connections move in and out, nearer and further, as events unfold that justify their position. However that plays out, each of us is in charge of who populates our concentric circles and where in our personal ecosystems everyone gets to live.

Think about the people in your life who seem to have it all together. Do they have the golden secret to life’s mastery, or is there more going on under the surface? Most of us work hard to keep our deepest struggles from showing. Everyone has something heavy going on, whether or not it’s visible. A common metaphor is the duck gliding across the water with webbed feet below the surface, paddling like mad yet invisible to observers. Another symbol is the oppressive weight of the backpack the kid carries through school, while teachers and classmates remain unaware of the home life trauma bearing down on him. Whatever the hidden narrative, there are three key ingredients to the recipe for staying well amidst the struggle.

An emerging awareness of the need for help usually begins long before the request. Perhaps there’s pride on the line for proving self-sufficiency. Maybe the benefit of a few failures hasn’t yet been realized. For some, the extra resources aren’t within reach. Either way, the request for help frequently escalates to a crisis state before it’s communicated.