If you’ve ever ‘felt’ someone’s presence, you’ve experienced the power of physics. Back in middle school, we used to have contests to see who could get the targeted classmate to turn around and look because they sensed they were being stared at. It works. Recently, a colleague described her son’s surprise when she anticipated his question. “I could feel you,” was her reply when he asked her how she managed to read his mind.
Communication is constant and not limited to the exchange of words. Words are useful tools for capturing detail and clarifying misunderstanding. Usually, however, the message has already been previewed by unspoken expression.
Furrowed brows, deep sighs, folded arms, clenched teeth, and eye rolls are among the loudest forms of nonverbal communication. They are barely nonverbal, as they are intended to send clear messages. More subtle, though, is the way the temperature and atmospheric conditions change in a space that is populated by someone with strong emotions.
We are all mind-readers, though not always accurate. Most frequently, our misperceptions are the result of unconscious bias and our brain’s need to predict a future that doesn’t conflict with our biases. The faster you rush to judgement, the more likely you are to misperceive. You’re both wrong and certain at the same moment.
Seek understanding relentlessly. Double and triple-check dialogues with “So, what I heard you say was…” verifications. Then, listen with both ears and ask again. Factor in the nonverbals until the message both spoken and unspoken are aligned.
If they don’t align, it’s most likely that the nonverbals hold the truth.
