The friend in my circle who most exemplifies this phenomenon grew up with some privilege. Safe neighborhood. Food on the table. Access to good schools. Yet, he grew up in a single-parent home and when his mom finally introduced a dad, my friend was the target of abuse. While he got to participate with peers in typical extracurricular activities, some medical setbacks pulled him out of the mainstream. He needed to focus on recovery while everyone else enjoyed the free-spirited gift of health and wellness.
These are the people who stay under the radar during normal times. When stress zooms from zero to 100, though, they are the ones who lead. They just know what to do. They spend very little energy bellyaching about how hard life is. They just cope with whatever is in front of them.
I suspect the coping skills activated in that moment are familiar: knowing what it’s like to be on your own, understanding the realities of imminent danger, accepting the long road to recovery from injury – physical or emotional – these are among the life experiences that grow people. No one would choose adversity as a path to strength, yet few who have experienced struggle would trade their lives for anyone else’s gambit.
We are who we are today because of – not in spite of – our challenges. So, the next time you don’t know how to handle a situation, you can either call upon previous experience of a similar struggle or be grateful for the new repertoire of skills that are sure to unfold from not knowing what to do.
