Professional helpers have a tendency to lean in. Being helpful scratches an itch. The itch is lifelong and was partially responsible for their career choice. We give most to others that which we would most like to receive. If coaches and counselors are unaware of this tendency, they end up meeting their own needs at the expense of their client’s. They take care of others to take care of themselves. Oops.
Hovering is a simple example. The helper positions themselves to catch a fall rather than allowing their client to stumble and learn the lessons that follow. It keeps the client stumbling and keeps the coach in business. It’s the ultimate collusion, and it fails to empower autonomy.
Helpers benefit from the understanding that their job is to put themselves out of a job. The purpose of their existence is to help their clients not need them. The sooner the client has the tools to navigate life independently, the more successful the professional alliance has been.
One of the most satisfying nuggets of feedback a caregiver receives from an emancipating adolescent is, “Thank you for not being a helicopter parent.” That is the kid’s way of appreciating the empowerment the parent has provided to nudge them toward adulthood. It’s also a useful metaphor for the way we, as adults, help other adults.
So, when the consultant is asked how long the consultation engagement should take, the answer is, “As short as possible.”