“Who would think THAT’S okay?” “When did THAT become acceptable?” “How could anyone possibly like THAT?” Technically, these are questions, but in actuality, they are statements. Each question is a judgment that anyone who thinks or acts differently than I do has it all wrong - because everyone is supposed to share the same opinions, like the same music, appreciate the same food, and make the same choices that I would make. Why would they not, after all?

dawn and dusk discovery

I once joked with a friend who held different political views from mine that, if I had grown up with his circumstances, I’d be a jerk, too. Not exactly empathy, huh? Rather than seeking to better understand the ‘why’ behind his perspective, I labeled him. In doing so, I instantly cut off any dialogue that would make his choices make sense. I dismissed context with humor.

Fortunately, my friend found my joke funny enough to engage in a serious conversation about our differences – not just in our points of view, but in the contrasting background life experiences that shaped our distinct paths.  We grew up in different neighborhoods with different family structures. Our economic situations afforded different levels of privilege. Our role models taught different lessons during our formative years. We had each experienced the lasting impact of different traumatic events.

We were wired differently. One of us was more cautious while the other more adventurous. Our tastes in art, music, and literature left us with few aesthetic treasures to share. We cheered for different sports teams. We voted for opposing presidential candidates. So, what was the foundation that held this friendship together?

It was the very differences themselves. It was the movement from tension to resolution that each interaction invited. It was the richness of a fresh view when you’ve been seeing something the same way for too long. It was the fun and excitement that arise from an edgy debate.

It was the depth of truly knowing someone deeply that comes from the willingness to see their world through their eyes. It was the satisfaction of being understood by someone who remained interested and engaged, despite being stirred up by controversy. It was the accrued years spent together that survived countless disagreements.

Neither side needs to come to the other to form a partnership. In fact, bringing both sides together enriches the alliance. Distance creates closeness. Dependency supports independence. Innovation arises from investment. Loss yearns for attachment.

Opposites attract.