More importantly, your partner knows you’ve left the conversation. Your body language telegraphs your departure, even if you maintain eye contact. Your eyes change.
Seek to understand. Imagine you were required to repeat back what you heard verbatim. Would you listen more carefully? Even when we lean in and tune in, we miss stuff. An effective dialogue includes a few rounds of ‘check your understanding.’
“So, what I heard you say was, _________.”
Usually, this reflection is met with, “Well, not exactly.” So, you lean back in, listen to the clarification, and check again. You may have to repeat the clarification exercise a few times. Imagine how your partner feels when you can fully and accurately reflect their message back to them. It’s a gift.
The value of the gift is best understood when you are on the receiving end of that level of engagement and care. Your partner is communicating that they care enough about you to get it right. It’s not about agreement or disagreement. It’s simply that you, your thoughts, and your feelings matter.
To behave otherwise is dismissive. Whether by intention or distraction, exiting the dialogue signals to your partner that they don’t matter enough to be heard. Dialogue carries an unspoken commitment to the give-and-take of mutual respect.
Are you catching my drift?